Whoever said fear is a great motivator was right. And in the past, fear was always good at getting me to do whatever it was that needed to be done. But now it seems that not even fear can motivate me.
Tuesday I met with my final professor about grad schools. Three professors down, and three different outcomes. Professor A: Go for it but apply to a bunch more! Yeah! Professor B: Well, you picked a lot of hard ones (except that one right there sucks–don’t ever do it.) so you might not get into them. Professor C: Did I tell you that I didn’t even get accepted my first time around? So be prepared for that, too.
Is it just me, or did that get progressively less optimistic?
This is where fear should begin to motivate me. I have only read 300 pages for the next GRE test (which Professor C pretty much failed her first time through). But it’s not working. I care less now then I did 10 days ago. I can’t buy myself anything as a carrot, simply because I have no money. And the stick approach only works when I get beaten by 15 rejection letters in April.
The only thing that can get my ass in gear right now is my own vanity. Pride. Vainglory. Ego. This time next year I want to be sporting a crewneck sweatshirt of some other school. Some school I’m excited to be at, and some school that’s going to impress people when they see me in that sweatshirt. Selfish, yes. Motivational? Enough for now.