Moody’s Blues

Good writing is sexy. Not in the same way humor or strong arms are sexy. No, humor is required and strong arms just give you something to inwardly gloat about. Good writing conveys confidence, knowledge, passion and wit. At least, in my definitely subjective view it does.

The TV show Californication is mind-fuckingly brilliant. Truly. It’s sexy, sexy writing about a sexy man who happens to be a sexy writer. It’s almost too much sexy to handle, if the plot wasn’t so saturated with love, lust, and loss.

Stumbling about the internet, I discovered this little collection of quality Hank Moody quotes. It’s a testament to the genius of the show’s writers and their main character. Many of my personal favorites involve the ‘broner’ and Canadian diamonds, but because I’m feeling a little nostalgic, here’s the epic letter that won many a woman over to Hank’s darkside (because before, they couldn’t quite find his ‘sea of pointless pussy’ as endearing as I did).

Dear Karen,

If you’re reading this it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don’t know me very well but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.

There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, it wasn’t on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She’s completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required, she is you, Karen. That’s the good news.

The bad is I don’t know how to be with you right now. And that scares the shit out of me. Because if I’m not with you right now, I have this feeling that we’ll get lost out there. It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns. And people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could have changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us, and I can’t tell you why you should waste the leap of faith on the likes of me, but damn you smell good. Like home. And you make excellent coffee. That’s got to count for something right?

Call me.

Unfaithfully yours,

Hank Moody.


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