Victoria Won’t Be No Secret

I’ve been working on my nerd bookshelf in my apartment (I retired my ISIS mug early, next to How to Archer), and my Sean Connery GQ and the Star Wars covered Entertainment Weekly weren’t quite having the impact I wanted. They lacked authenticity. An early-edition Dickens seemed unlikely, and I haven’t been collecting The Guild comics to go with my Jones soda. What’s a girl to do?

Hop on Ebay and find something, that’s what. So I did. And the result is more stupendous than I ever could have expected. It arrived today:

March 1967 Esquire, Great Britain edition

This is the issue for my seriously-questionable-but-I-won’t-back-down favorite of the Bond franchise, You Only Live Twice. The movie starts with Bond’s death, hence the cover. When I saw it I knew I wanted it, but I didn’t know how bad until I got it in my hands. The issue is interesting–lots about America, which I would have assumed to be uninteresting to the Brits, and some story about the fame of Elizabeth Taylor. Hmm, really?

But the Bond piece is hilarious. It’s snidely written. And very casual, although I suspect this may be par for the period. Here’s the ending:

“And Bond goes home to Kissy, clean sheets, Dom Perignon ’59 and a few billion dollars. And you go home to a glass of no-calorie-cola and a salted cracker and wonder why the good Lord picked him and not you to be the hero of our time. Well, chin up, reader… it’s only a movie.”

Rather than keep explaining, I’ll let you take a look.

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Bond at its best. And it certainly looks stellar staggered below my Death Star.

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Wait… so if this post isn’t about bras and panties, what’s the point of the title?

WELL. This week marks my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY with my job! I can hardly believe I’ve been enjoying that underground parking for a year now (and yes, it’s still awesome). So here’s some old, old school Saadiq to serenade us.

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