How to Not Pick Up a Guy

I’m at the bar last night with a big group of people. Just as we’re leaving, a guy I don’t know comes up to me and asks why I’m not having a good time. (Gee, now that you’re talking to me things have gotten so much better. Thank you, savior!)

After 60 seconds of speaking we end up on the subject of basketball. It’s 1 am, I’m exhausted and don’t particularly feel like carrying a fake conversation for another two to nine minutes while waiting for my pals to say their goodbyes and get the heck out of dodge. So I say,

“Actually, I don’t get it. And I don’t like it. It’s boring. Hockey? Hell yes. Baseball? Sure. Football? Of course! But basketball? Well that’s just about as bad as watching the Olympics. And I don’t like those, either.”

Guy gawks. Then repeatedly mutters, “You are a terrible person.”

Yep, buddy, I am.


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