Rogue on Religion

I’m what you call a selective Catholic, also known as a Christmas Catholic, a holiday Catholic, a lapsed Catholic, and even sometimes ‘reformed’ Catholic. It’s annoying, really, the buffet of Catholicism I choose to subscribe to. People hate that hypocritical nature, of Catholics especially: “I’m Catholic, but…”

I went to Catholic school for 13 years. I’ve had all my major sacraments available to me (baptism, confirmation, the Eucharist, penance). There are priests and nuns galore in my family. I think Pope Frank is a baller among men and he’s doing awesome things for the faith. I go to mass three times a year at least, up to six or seven if it’s an extra active year for the family.

But I don’t buy all the rules of the Catholic church, hence my ‘selective’ status. I believe in the right to have an abortion (although I wouldn’t do it myself), and I believe in gay marriage, and I think sex before marriage is awesome (especially now when I’m not getting any), and I don’t think that anyone in another religion is wrong, and I don’t believe that going to church every Sunday will save my soul, and I have a penchant for taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Oh, and I’m Catholic because it comes with a diet plan and guaranteed span of fiscal conservatism. Fast for 40 days, yo. My cholesterol is so much better after Lent. I couldn’t possibly give up the one time of year that #CatholicGuilt works to my advantage. I give up pop, chips, and candy every year since I was old enough to choose my own Lenten sacrifice (chips started in college). As adult I’ve added a bonus sacrifice. Once, it was Target. That sucked. Once, it was all foods that start with the letter C. That sucked even more. This year, I’m going the mall food route–an option that’s high on frustration and inconvenience.

Time to save the belly and pinch the purse strings once more. Damn it feels good to be a gangster Catholic.

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#CatholicJokes

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