I Know Better Than You

I have this problem where sometimes I think I know more than other people.

And, like most people with this problem, I don’t like taking direction from someone I know I know better than. After working in publishing in the same area for as long as I did, I had realized I knew some things better than others, and at the retail gig I’d stopped listening to certain people as well. It sure does make things challenging at times, because I’m a real treat when I have an attitude on, and no one in bossman position likes an insolent underling.

In school, though, this is hardly a concern because I know don’t know shit, and I realize I need all the nuggets of wisdom. I still aggressively question things, but I’m not blatantly disregarding anyone’s opinion.

Except the people I’m paying to give feedback on my job hunting skills, that is.

Through the U, I’ve signed up for a program that helps me get work, by coordinating job interviews, providing career search guidance, etc. It’s a pretty sweet deal, and I’m excited about the prospects, but it’s also a complete load of bullshit. 

First of all, I just got accepted into nine graduate programs, so my cover letter (personal statement, ahem) skills are obviously on point. Oh, and I was a professional writer for almost a decade. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to write a cover letter–an excellent, wooing cover letter.

The cover letter is no place for humor? You don’t want to know what the job can do for me? You don’t think I properly expressed my appreciation or excitement for this opportunity? Fuck you very much, I’m not some vapid suckup. And if you don’t think that the company isn’t seduced by my willingness to drink the brand’s koolaid and have them teach me their ways, then you’re wrong. You’re just wrong. They don’t want a n00b who is certain she owns the world. I am that girl, and I know they don’t want that.

This is the first line of their sample: “Thank you for receiving my resume. I would like to apply for the XXXX XXXXX XXXXXs Co-op Student position.”

::ZzZzz:: Uh, no. I wouldn’t read any further with that opening line.

Then there’s the fact that they were appalled at my one-page resume.

M’excuse? Back in America ain’t nobody got time for people like me thinking they’re bigger than a one-page resume. If it can’t be said on a page, you’re saying too much.

lolz. Silly Canadians.

 

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