Tag Archives: Ludacris

There are times I’ve wanted to live near Vegas

…but I’ve never wanted it quite so hard as today.

At the Consumer Electronics Show they released Blu-ray Bond, Ludacris introduced his new headphones (in person), and three Bond directors lead a panel on technology and Bond films.

Seriously. If I managed to see that and get laid, it’d be the greatest day, ever.

Knowing what could have been, I see no reason to return to Sin City. It could not possibly be satisfying,

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NOT appropriate

It’s highly possible you haven’t encountered these tunes, and for the last few weeks, I have felt it’s my duty to spread the love.

Just (The Tip) – Plies feat. Jeremih and Ludacris

“If you love me you’ll let me do it I’m just saying” and “how ’bout two or three pumps” are some of the show-stopping lines set to melodious “hold music” stylings. The chorus of “just the tip” sounds so sweet. So catchy. Not listening, you might even think it’s a nice song. Wrong. Have you ever heard a more ridiculous and offensive song? Perhaps. But I haven’t found one I enjoy as much.

Wet the Bed – Chris Brown feat. Ludacris

Wet? There’s a sexy connotation there. Wet the bed? Absolutely not. Nothing about it sounds good. Nothing. Luda’s lyrics are great, though, per usual.

Dedication to My Ex – Lloyd feat. Andre 3000 and Lil Wayne

Hah. You were thinking, “Oh sure. I’ve heard this one. What’s the deal?” The deal, my friend, is that lines like, “She used to squeeze me, grip me tight enough so she could please me,” mean something entirely different when you discover “pussy” replaces “lovin'” and you’ve been listening to a radio edit all this time. Skank’s loose.


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Look at all the innovation here, guys!

Four dudes, same song. Jamie even says, “not the usual.” I love Luda, but I think I need to give it to Trey here. Probably because he suggests a balcony.

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Star Wars & Getting Laid

I tend to get super geeked about clever pop culture references (Twilight in Robin Thicke’s “Sex Therapy”), or references to my favorite things (Bond in Archer) in TV shows, books, songs, and the like. The last couple weeks I’ve noticed Star Wars (old favorite) in a few of my new favorites. Interestingly, three of the four scenarios directly link sex with Star Wars (four for four if you naturally equate Ludacris with sex, like I do).

Californication season 4, episode 1
Charlie: How do you do it?
Hank: It’s an old Jedi mind trick.

Ludacris Party No Mo’
I keep the hood with me like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Ludacris Freaky Thangs
Tallywhacker is a rock hard storm trooper with a purple helmet, made for crushin’ pink cookies. Goonie goo-goo, we cut bigfoots and wookies; and fat women, because they need love too.

GREEK season 4, episode 2
Casey (to Rusty/Dana): By the way, if you guys are going to watch Star Wars until 3 am in your room, could  you just put the volume down a little bit.
Dale: You know he doesn’t have a TV in his bedroom, right?
Casey: Okay, but I heard that scene where they blow up the death star like ten times.
Dale (girl+guy voices): “Stabilize your rear deflectors.” “You’re in range, target coming up.” “Almost there.” “Stay on target.” “Almost there.” “Hold’em.” “Almost there.” “Torpedos away.”
Casey: Oh my god, they were…

Rusty: A rebel booth. Like the rebel alliance.
Dana: Does Luke need to seek shelter in a tonton?
Rusty: You just, hold that thought in carbonite.

Rusty: New pledge Spidey! New Hope!

Any of your favorite things popping up in others?


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Living La Vida Luda

Here it is, late but as promised, life advice by Ludacris. And I mean legitimate advice, and not just what I think you should be doing in the bedroom (I’ve already covered that plenty). So if you’re looking for some inspiration to start the year, try the guy who will help you get some and be a better person.

And learning from my mistakes, try not to make ’em twice–just admitting when I’m wrong, trying hard to make it right.

Don’t you ever ask no questions that you really don’t want the answers to.

If you can’t take the heat then get the fuck out the kitchen.

But with God as my navigator I’ll be staying afloat.

And the future looks dim if we don’t get ourselves together.

They wanna talk to ya, so shut up and listen.

Don’t let these devils play you down or belittle your soul, just be happy with yourself and it’s so simple to grow.

Go strap your seatbelts on.

Don’t ever assume nothin.

People too picky these days damn it. Too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny. Have a couple of drinks and quit discriminating.

Cause life is short–if you don’t know this it’ll pass you by.

Power down your inhibitions and power up your inner freak.

And I won’t judge you ‘cause I know that ain’t nobody perfect, but you got some perfect imperfections and that makes you worth it.

Use your brain homie; do the right thing.

No matter how much older we get, man, we all still children at heart. We all make mistakes, it’s all good.

Clean in the workplace, dirty in the sheets.

Because you are who you are when nobody is looking.

Keep one eye open, cause the streets don’t sleep.

And baby, nobody’s perfect in this world of ours; there’s plenty people getting stitches in this world of scars. But over time, pray to God that he can heal your wounds, try to love and love again until they seal your tomb.

You might not agree with our views, but you had to respect ’em.

They like a little danger, and might not admit it, but they on for the chase and they want us to come and get it.

And use your dental floss.

Get through the agony and anger, the pain and strife, and take the necessary steps to try to change my life.

So in the sack talk to me, tell me what’s on your mind.

All lyrics are likely copyrighted to Ludacris, Island Def Jam, DTP, or whatever. Quoted from Child of the Night, B.O.T.S. Radio, What Them Girls Like, Do The Right Thang, Two Miles an Hour, One More Drink, Sex Room, Tell Me A Secret, Nasty Girl, I Do It for Hip Hop, Call Up The Homies, and Spur of the Moment.

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Let’s Get Ludicrous

How many resolutions can you make from these lyrics and video? I’m thinking this would be one hell of a year. Or weekend.

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Drinking and Dating

In preparation for a forthcoming post about the life advice expelled by Ludacris, I share this video. Too good.


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What’s Your Fantasy

My first love in the realm of sex music was Ludacris’What’s Your Fantasy.” Yesterday, I wondered aloud to a friend whether anyone had ever done it in all the places listed in the song. I mean, it basically covers everything (except balconies, which are sorely unrepresented. And playground equipment).

I still wonder if anyone has mastered the list. Maybe not at the Georgia Dome on the 50 yard line while the Dirty Birds kick, but perhaps they’ve worked it a bit (in the Georgia Dome’s public bathroom while the Falcons kick. 3 points!). It’s inspirational, really. So after challenging said friend to make it happen–along with sex during a fast, rough watersport like tubing or wakebaording–I decided I needed to see just how much the song leaves to conquer. And I left out actions like ‘lick up your thigh’ and ‘tag team’ but everything else is there…even props like reigns and role play like Dracula.

It’s quite the feat.

What’s Your Fantasy Sexlist

[ ] bed
[ ] floor
[ ] Georgia Dome
[ ] 50 yard line
[ ] while the Atlanta Falcons kick
[ ] club
[ ] dj booth
[ ] back of the VIP
[ ] whipped cream
[ ] cherries
[ ] strawberries
[ ] door locked
[ ] the beach
[ ] table top
[ ] the rock
[ ] the park
[ ] the point
[ ] the flatlands
[ ] public bathroom
[ ] back of a classroom
[ ] up on the roof
[ ] bath tub
[ ] candles lit
[ ] on stage
[ ] Ludacris concert
[ ] red carpet
[ ] pouring rain
[ ] on a train
[ ] when it’s hot out
[ ] when it’s cold out
[ ] library
[ ] on top of books
[ ] white house
[ ] lights out
[ ] sauna
[ ] jacuzzi
[ ] back row at the movie
[ ] on hay
[ ] in the middle of the barn
[ ] rose petals
[ ] silk sheets
[ ] back seat
[ ] windows up
[ ] in the garden
[ ] in the dirt
[ ] in the sun
[ ] in the shade
[ ] on top an Escalade
[ ] ocean
[ ] boat
[ ] factories
[ ] candy store
[ ] chocolate
[ ] whips
[ ] chains
[ ] hand cuffs
[ ] belt
[ ] Dracula
[ ] fangs
[ ] horseback
[ ] reigns
[ ] school teacher
[ ] grades

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Upon my return, I was not ready for…

– Having more than a roommate in my apartment. Not bad, just not ideal. It smelled like bad food and I don’t like being friendly after a long day.

– This email I received: “Nevertheless, I absolutely love the song “I Know You Got
A Man,” and it’s not even offensive!  Still, in the midst of loving the
song, I am profoundly disturbed that Ludacris has put the word “constipate”
in a song about sex. What the hell was he thinking? How did no one tell him
how wrong it is?”

-How fucking excited I am to be home. (Which includes driving a car, speeding, unpacking all my goods from H&M, having internet and watching Voltron:Defender of the Universe on Hulu.)

More to come. For now, I bask in the glory that is Des Moines, Iowa.

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Crisis of Identity

(712): So i thought john legend obsession was a sign of a cultural identity crisis in my life…but my first mix cds and tapes included: dmx, run dmc, nelly, jayz, chris rock, lil kim, biggy, da brat, and tyrese. AM I WHITE?

(917): Um I stole the Color Me Badd CD from my brother when I was 12. and I still haven’t given it back.

I kind of thought my obsession with John Legend was an identity crisis. Honestly, since getting into his music, I feel like that’s the only kind of stuff I listen to now… with a little Sinatra and Third Eye Blind mixed in there. Pandora: R&B/Soul station or John Legend Station. Radio: Pam G show and Adult Conversations with Doug and Dede. iTunes: John Legend, Ludacris, Common. I even hosted St. Louis during the Around the World Party last year, simply so I could drink Bud Light and wear a Band-Aid on my face like Nelly.


My last few roadtrips I’ve busted out some of my first mix CDs. Here is a pretty good summary of what they include: Let me Blow Ya Mind, What’chu Like, How Many Licks, Next Episode, Big Pimpin, Lately, Get Your Freak On, No Matter What People Say, Changes, No Sex in the Champagne Room, California Love, What These Bitches Want, Booty Bounce, Mo Money Mo Problems, Country Grammar, It’s Like That. Then also some Bon Jovi, Janet Jackson, O-Town, STP, Craig David, RHCP, Shaggy, No Authority.

I think the trend is evident. Perhaps this character trait (wrongly labeled identity crisis) was only recently realized thanks to John, but clearly it started in about the sixth grade.

Exactly what does this musical penchant say about me? I’ll interpret it thus:
I am a person who is not offended by misogyny, vulgarity, sexuality, or expletives. In fact, I tend to cross the line in most of these areas. I am attracted to people who are confident, and I too want to be confident and attractive. I am a sexual being. I appreciate poetry and the mastery of language (Don’t tell me these singers/rappers and songwriters aren’t wordsmiths. They can make anything rhyme, within any rhythm, and they’re always clever with their structure. Just listen to Ludacris’ Nasty Girl). I like to speak my mind, I rarely censor myself, and I want others to feel that they can act the same way.

Well, fuck. That’s not so bad.

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