Pre-Teen Pinups

No, it’s not as racy as the title would suggest. With the recent passing of Steve Jobs, I realized that the walls of my childhood bedroom were plastered with the things I found alluring in grade school: advertisements. I don’t know what magazines I ripped the ads from–likely an assortment of my dad’s Newsweek and my mom’s Good Housekeeping.

One wall was milk ads, and while I cherished those mustaches, nothing could compete with my small collection of Apple ads. Did I know anything about Apple? No, my dad worked at Gateway. Did I know the cultural significance of the “Think Different” campaign? Hell no, I couldn’t think different at 12 years. Did my friends like Apple? No. But those black and white ads resonated with me in a way I couldn’t understand.

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It’s funny that something I found so cool would later run my life. Without advertising, magazines don’t stand much of a chance at success. It’s something we struggle with literally every day.

And those Apple ads are still influencing me today. Jane Goodall’s ad went to college with me–I’d dreamed of working with animals for so long (only to find I suck at science, specifically chemistry) that it was hard to give up. I collect black and white ads from every magazine before it’s thrown away (thank you GQ, Vanity Fair, and Vogue). Even the “headboard” to my bed is a wall of–you guessed it–framed black and white ads.

as a friend & mentor

On the way to a photoshoot in Humboldt last week [which included awkwardly spilled coffee and a speeding ticket] my boss suggested “as a friend and mentor, not a boss,” that I look for another job.

Yikes.

The problem is, I love what I’m doing. Plus, the market is crazy, a job could open sometime. Maybe. When I’m 60. Not to mention that leaving the happy M family means that I’d be banned from working there for a whole year. A WHOLE YEAR. People, I’ve worked here for 3 years. And, well, I’m lazy. I don’t want to move for a fourth time in a year (if that’s what it comes down to). How much does DSM have to offer a grad school dropout with a broad knowledge of James Bond films and kitchen & bath stuff? Probably not a lot.

But am I really, truly screwing myself over if I stay with the shaky k&b group? Tell me! Don’t worry, your vote is anonymous.

Bang

I opened my October 2010 issue to this page.

Uh. What? Who is the market, here? I think Esquire is the greatest magazine ever. It even smells sexy. But, I don’t think I could be attracted to a man who bought this fragrance based on this ad. Nope. That man is on a bed of tinfoil, covered in baby oil and fake weird tattoos (I love Spongebob, but really?). You’re scruffy and your gold watch and diamond studs suggest you’re the guy who thinks he can take anyone home from the club–not the guy who tattooed girly (and colored, no less) stars all over his shoulders. Gimme a break.

Lubbock: A hotbed of sex

I’ve already thrown this up as a Facebook post, but I’ve got to document this fine day  in my history. For the first time in my life, I live in a “hotbed of sex.” According to Men’s Health, Lubbock ranks in the nations Top 15 based on census birthrates, STDs, and sales of condoms and sex toys.

Check out the ABC News story. Then find the October issue on newsstands.

Observations on Texas, II

Here are some more things I’ve noticed about this hot, dusty land mass.

1. Taco places all serve breakfast. When Taco Johns started serving breakfast, most people agreed it was weirdly gross. I still feel the same.

2. They have distinct beverages. Fanta Red must be the southern version of Fruit Punch or Hi-C and whatnot. It’s always there. Their fountain machines also seem to always include Diet Dr. Pepper, which is a godsend. In Iowa, I could only find it at Chick-Fil-A (and Kum & Go, of course). Sadly, I’m having to use that Diet D.P. to replace my true love, Diet Mountain Dew. I can’t find it anywhere! Also, at most places, a medium drink is 32 ounces. And they put their pop in styrofoam. It’s hot as sin down here, so it really keeps that liquid cool, while killing the environment one Big-Gulp-sized take-out cup at a time.

3. Informative signs can be found all over the place. “Watch for water” along the frontage roads. “Bridges ice before roads” before every bridge. I mean, isn’t this common sense? My favorites, however, are the ones that say it’s a misdemeanor to consume alcohol on site–most notably the grocery stores and Target.

4. Magazines are terrifying. Walking down the magazine aisle at Target my first night in Lubbock, I found the May issue of Esquire. The. May. Issue. Does that not disturb you? Even more upsetting was that a week later, I found no issues at all. Checkouts–hot spots for the mag buyer–have such titles as Cowboys & Indians, Country Weekly, Texas Football, and ‘Taste of Home’s’ Church Suppers. I yi yi. Where’s GQ or Real Simple? But I’m proud to report I found Parents and Kitchen and Bath Ideas.

5. Texans really do say y’all all the time. Especially at restaurants. One server topped out with six y’alls in her introduction. Oh boy.

6. Stores have some very different quotidian products. For instance, I’ve never seen so many different kinds of Jarritos. They took up a fourth of an aisle at the HUGE grocery store I frequent. Right next to those were an assortment of religious candles. Those had half an aisle at Target!

A good day

Today kind of rocked.

I had lunch at Fong’s with a coworker, Mary Pat. Then I baked a birthday cake/brownie. Then I had dinner at Nick’s with two PB coworkers, Marilyn and Carey. Followed it up with drinks and a sleepover in Ames. Rock.

Oh, and I got into Marquette.

4-1-4

T D L

Before-Grad-School To Do List

1. Get a Fong’s shirt Gift from Rachel
2. Hang with Whit and Nina in the TC
3. Stop picking my split-ends in public
4. Read the Woman in White
5. Read The Crimson Petal and the White
6. Get new socks (mine all holes or are holiday related)
7. Try on clothing I haven’t worn since I stopped tanning and see how it looks
8. Learn from mistakes
9. Finish the Best of Bond posts (two left!)
10. Consider establishing a routine
11. Teach myself more things to cook
12. Read some of the magazines I subscribe to
13. Bake with Matt and Alex Alex is on a cross-country bike ride = fail.
14. Stop saying “like” and “I mean”
15. Hang out with my little cousins
16. Toss old shoes
17. Buy silverware
18. Take a kamikaze shot at Fong’s (photo required)
19. Buy a new Kitchen Aid mixer
20. Learn to work out
21. Watch The Matrix
22. Try Big Tomato pizza
23. Try Frank’s pizza
24. Own a shirt from SMASH (or whatever they call it, now) Two gifts!

Some of these are lofty and daunting (like #20), some are hard (#14), and some are a given (#4). I’ll keep adding more and crossing off as I get them accomplished. Pass along any ideas!

Update: no time left. Lame. Red items = fail. Black = accomplished.