Tag Archives: Q

Q is back!

After the shitstorm known as Daniel Craig ruined my favorite parts of JamesBondom (the shaken-not-stirred martinis, the gadgets, the reckless sex, and the other little bits that defined the franchise), I didn’t think it would happen. But it did, and now, ladies and gents…

Q is back! 

Ben Whishaw playing a much younger rendition of Q

Entertainment Weekly announces here (with excellent photography to pinpoint the evolution of Q) that the beloved long-time character of Q is returning in a fresh new fashion. Although he’s lost the cravat since last I saw him on the big screen, Ben Whishaw is certainly not going to be lacking his poetic way with words. A new Skyfall trailer released at San Diego Comic Con (only my absolute Mecca) has Q telling Bond that he could “kill more people with his computer, while wearing pajamas at home, than Bond can do in a year.”

Yeehaw, kiddos!

Also notable: Villainous Javier Bardem still remains unseen for the most part. MI6 lost a flash drive with, like, the identities of all the secret agents (wasn’t that an episode of Spooks?). And there are rumors of M’s death. Losing Judi Dench is acceptable–losing the character of M is not. Don’t make me regret my current praise, Barb.

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Best of Bond: Girls and Allies

BEST BOND GIRLS

1. Tiffany Case (Diamonds Are Forever)
2. Jinx (Die Another Day)
3. Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
4. Tracy Di Vicenzo (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service)
5. Pussy Galore (Goldfinger)
6. Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale)

Jill St. John as Tiffany Case in "Diamonds Are Forever"

Tiffany Case has attitude. She’s sassy, impromptu, and always looks out for herself. Plus, she slept with Bond in the aquarium/tub. Hot. Jinx was not only a momentary (badass) throwback to Honey Ryder, she’s hot, tough, and had the sexiest Bond bedroom scene to date. Fiona was more successful at SPECTRE work than any other henchmen in Thunderball. She’s fierce and a looker, which helps make her far more intimidating than Emilio Largo. And she died in Bond’s arms. As much as I hate that Bond married Tracy, I have to give the girl props. She’s the kind of girl any guy would want: independent, hard to get, attractive, wealthy, and she never nags. Pussy (pronounced by Sean like “pooh-see”) is a big part of Goldfinger. Auric Goldfinger’s plan revolves around her as much as Bond’s counterplan does. She’s smart, mixes business with pleasure, and her name is Pussy Galore for god’s sake. Vesper is the only girl to outplay Bond. She’s as cold-hot as Bond, and she used Bond for personal motives, much like he does with his women.

WORST BOND GIRLS

1. Christmas Jones (The World Is Not Enough)
2. May Day (A View To A Kill)
3. Mary Goodnight (The Man With The Golden Gun)
4. Helga Brandt (You Only Live Twice)
5. Miranda Frost (Die Another Day)
6. Bibi Dahl (For Your Eyes Only)

Richards as Christmas Jones in "The World Is Not Enough"

Christmas: Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist in a cut-off tank and short shorts? Eeewww. And the “I thought Christmas only came once a year” pun? Sick. May Day is easily the scariest looking person to ever appear in a Bond film. Goodnight has very low intelligence (and standards). She tries to play hard to get, but ends up sleeping in Bond’s closet while he bangs another girl. And she still wants him. How does she work for MI6? I’m sorry to be superficial, but Helga is simply ugly and weird. Miranda is a wolf in sheep’s clothing–and it doesn’t work for her. She’s still unattractive and lacking a personality. Bibi is not actually a Bond Girl because it would have been illegal for James to sleep with her–hence the nod to baby doll. And she’s simply whiny and annoying.

BEST BOND ALLIES

1. Q (regular)
2. MoneyPenny (regular)
3. Tiger (You Only Live Twice)
4. Quarrel (Dr. No)
5. Jack Wade (Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies)
6. Sheriff J.W. Pepper (Live And Let Die, The Man With The Golden Gun)

Q in "Licence to Kill"

Disclaimer: I know M and Felix didn’t make the cut. But I only liked M played by Judi Dench, and Felix isn’t always great. The original really stuck with this character: Q was played by Desmond Llewelyn basically from 1963-1999. He is funny, smart, and always there for Bond–even when he’s abandoned by MI6. Q’s  parting “always have an escape plan” is Bond-movie gold. Lois Maxwell takes the cake as the best MoneyPenny, and much like her character type, I prefer a MoneyPenny that flirts and swoons over Bond–not the ones that sass back all the time. Tiger said, “She is very sexiful,” my favorite Bond movie line, ever. I like their awkward “I love you” exchange, and the way he treats Bond. Poor Quarrel, he was loyal to Bond but died from that damned dragon monster he so feared. Jack Wade is the American CIA agent in a couple flicks, and he always makes cracks about our government. And Sheriff Pepper? Ultimate Southerner stereotype. Totally makes himself (and American tourists) look like an idiot in two movies. Awesome.

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Best of Bond: Actors and Films

BEST BOND ACTORS

1. Sean Connery
2. Pierce Brosnan
3. Roger Moore
4. Timothy Dalton
5. George Lazenby
6. Daniel Craig

Connery as Bond in "From Russia With Love"

Sean and Pierce are both sexy. They exhibit the perfect balance between physical badass and charming yet sly sophisticate. Roger is no physical beast, but still the heartbreaker (in the films. Personally I do not find him attractive). And he delivers puns and innuendos in a distinct way. Timmy is neither sexy nor badass, but he plays the charmer well enough. I hate Daniel, and George is so-so. At least George plays a character-steady Bond. Daniel’s Bond sucks. Why? He doesn’t sleep with every female, he gets attached, he drinks martinis that are stirred, he fights too much and isn’t suave enough, his head is too small for his shoulders, and he doesn’t respect M. Plus his movies do not include Q or MoneyPenny.

BEST BOND FILMS

1. You Only Live Twice (1967, Connery)
2. Diamonds Are Forever (1971, Connery)
3. Goldfinger (1964, Connery)
4. Die Another Day (2002, Brosnan)
5. Licence To Kill (1989, Dalton)
6. Octopussy (1983, Moore)

"You Only Live Twice" 1967

YOLT is actually kind of terrible. It’s racist, jumpy, and the graphics are so bad. But I love it for those reasons, too, along with: Little Nelly, Q, James’ death opener, Blofeld and his strangely unattractive minions, man-eating piranhas, Bond’s accomplices, and a theme song later riffed by Robbie Williams in 1999.

DAF is set in Vegas and includes a hotel tub that doubles as an aquarium, Tiffany Case, a theme song retouched by Kayne, two awkward as hell gay bad guys, a girl named Plenty O’Toole, and the line “That’s quite a nice little nothing you’re almost wearing.” The opening with the theme song is the epitome of Bond openings: nudity and a relevant song.

G is classic Bond. It has many sexy women, female pilots who are later parodied as Femmebots in Austin Powers, a great song that’s rather annoying but actually fits the film, one of the most well-known Bond Girls (Pussy Galore), and of course, Oddjob.

DAD was the first new Bond I saw when I really started getting into it. The opening scene is captivating, the topic is timely, and it has Halle Berry, a fabulous car, an ice palace, and quintessential Bond ending with innuendos and sex.

LTK just recently climbed my top six mainly due to an abundance of Q, cocaine, Wayne Newton, an awesome drug ring cover story, sexy Lupe, and a rogue Bond who infiltrates the bad guys.

O oozes with badass women, which basically sums up what I love about it (admittedly, less about Bond than my feelings for other movies). Add to that Russian conspiracy, exotic India, a circus, and jewel smuggling.

Worst Bond Films: Quantum of Solace (2008) and Never Say Never Again (1983). They actively discredit the Bond franchise.

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