Tag Archives: sex music

I downloaded the WP app 

on my phone, while at work, and figured out my password, all in order to share this with you. (All two of you: Hi WR! Hi MA!) Because I literally spit citrus out of my mouth onto the keyboard when it happened. Let me set the scene.

R&B station on shuffle for the last 2 hours. Really deep into some new jams while I’m blogging for work. Like, actually kinda grooving at my desk. Peeling and eating some clementines. Next song comes on. Got some kind of slow 90s-00s crossover period Brandy/Monica/Toni/Janet vibes happening.

I won’t make you pull out

First line of the song. No fucking joke.
In the last month-ish I experienced some epically not-exactly-ready shit, but I was pretty unprepared to see someone beat Raphael Saadiq to the punch.

later: Shoutout to another song on this station which threatens to turn a pussy into a kiddie pool. Which sounds like no fun for anyone, really. That said: I like your sound, Dapper. 

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NOT appropriate

It’s highly possible you haven’t encountered these tunes, and for the last few weeks, I have felt it’s my duty to spread the love.

Just (The Tip) – Plies feat. Jeremih and Ludacris

“If you love me you’ll let me do it I’m just saying” and “how ’bout two or three pumps” are some of the show-stopping lines set to melodious “hold music” stylings. The chorus of “just the tip” sounds so sweet. So catchy. Not listening, you might even think it’s a nice song. Wrong. Have you ever heard a more ridiculous and offensive song? Perhaps. But I haven’t found one I enjoy as much.

Wet the Bed – Chris Brown feat. Ludacris

Wet? There’s a sexy connotation there. Wet the bed? Absolutely not. Nothing about it sounds good. Nothing. Luda’s lyrics are great, though, per usual.

Dedication to My Ex – Lloyd feat. Andre 3000 and Lil Wayne

Hah. You were thinking, “Oh sure. I’ve heard this one. What’s the deal?” The deal, my friend, is that lines like, “She used to squeeze me, grip me tight enough so she could please me,” mean something entirely different when you discover “pussy” replaces “lovin'” and you’ve been listening to a radio edit all this time. Skank’s loose.

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un(distinguishable)

Look at all the innovation here, guys!

Four dudes, same song. Jamie even says, “not the usual.” I love Luda, but I think I need to give it to Trey here. Probably because he suggests a balcony.

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Ode to Usher

The man does it all: club jams, slow jams, chart-toppers, seriously bad albums, Super Bowl appearances, and world tours. He also has it all: a killer body, unbeatable dance skills, a fragrance, and a protege that most sane people love to hate. [I got no fever.]

A week from today I will be writhing in pure euphoria thanks to Usher Raymond. In honor of this momentous occasion I am doling out my obviously significant opinion on all things musically Usher.

Best Album: Raymond V Raymond

Best Song: Trading Places

Best Lyrics: "You order Chinese food right before you do me." Trading Places

Best Advice: "Go on and hit it; that's what it's made for."

Best Dancing: Yeah!

Best little known song: Just Like Me

Best Video: Trading Places

Worst Album: Here I Stand [Interestingly, the album that produced Trading Places.]
Worst Song: This Ain’t Sex [See below.]
Worst Lyrics:  “We ain’t having sex/ We’re making moments that will outlast the world.” [See?]
Worst Advice: “Girl I forgot it, but we gon’ still get down like this.” [Babies and STIs are always good, thanks Ursh.]
Worst Dancing: [pfft. That’s not even a category for this man.]
Song that should have stayed unknown:
Papers [I just hate this song. So much.]
Worst Video: There Goes My Baby [Such a boring video for such a sexy song.]

Finally, for your ultimate enjoyment, I present the best-of playlist. It’s color-coded and organized to maximize pleasure (Prepin’ and drivin’; Clubbin’ and dancin’; Bumpin and grindin).

Usher Ultimate Playlist

  1. My Way
  2. Same Girl
  3. Guilty
  4. Pro Lover
  5. My Boo
  6. I Can’t Let U Go
  7. U Don’t Have To Call 
  8. Bad Girl
  9. Hey Daddy
  10. Nice & Slow Remix
  11. Red Light
  12. Hot Tottie
  13. What’s Your Name
  14. Lil’ Freak 
  15. So Many Girls 
  16. DJ Got Us Fallin in Love 
  17. YEAH 
  18. Love in this Club
  19. Just Like Me
  20. Lovers and Friends
  21. Nice & Slow
  22. Trading Places
  23. Making Love
  24. There Goes My Baby
  25. That’s What It’s Made For 
Whether you love him, hate him, or only acknowledge his existence when you’re four drinks in and droppin’ it like it’s hot–you have to give him props. He’s come a long way from that almost inappropriately sexy, horribly dressed teenager singing “My Way.”

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Lyricist

I am never ready for this song when it pops up on Pandora.

Things are fine until this verse:

I got a jones in my bones for you
There ain’t a damn thing that I won’t do
I’ll make your body cream with my sex machine
I wont stop until I hear your mother scream

The first time I heard it I was baking in my mom’s kitchen. Awkward.

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Hot Vids

I feel like I’m directing you to a porn website with the title of this post. And I almost am, but this has less money shots and more foreplay.
::distant female hurrahs::

You might remember a previous post complaining about the absolute un-sexiness that is Robin Thicke’s Sex Therapy video, while trumpeting the likes of Usher’s Hey Daddy and Trading Places.

Well, do I have news for you. Robin’s managed to pull himself out of the creepy videoland with It’s In The Morning featuring Snoop. Maybe it’s the content, maybe it’s the kitchen table, and maybe it’s the line “Let me put some cream in your coffee.” Whatever it is, I give two enthusiastic thumbs up to this video.

Also, to vindicate the awfulness that is his Sex Therapy video, I found this flash mob video. Nice.

Sadly, after how much I praised Usher, he went and thoroughly disappointed me. There Goes My Baby and Lil Freak are godawful. The first just isn’t what I hoped for, and the second is downright disturbing. I feel bad for the girl in the video. It’s a damn shame, the songs are super sexual.

But let’s end on a good note:

I would like to give my heartfelt consent to Ciara’s Ride and Trey Songz’s Neighbors Know My Name. Ciara rocks it because the lyrics are direct, the music has rhythm, and the way she moves that body I can’t doubt that they love the way she rides. And that girl can dance. Trey’s video is just hot. Big surprise, coming from the man who sings I Invented Sex.

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Solid Sunday

It’s Sunday night. I’m lying in bed, reading Sherlock Holmes, drinking white wine, and listening to Pandora’s ‘Sex Therapy’ station. This, in itself, is wonderful. However, Pandora is mixing one hell of a night. It’s too bad this bed is so small and I’m the only one in it. I can’t say I’m planning on taking advantage of Pandora’s hotness, but in case you are, let me share this oh-so-sexy playlist for your next late-night rendezvous.

  • Right and a Wrong Way, Mario
  • This Woman’s Work, Maxwell
  • Neighbors Know My Name, Trey Songz
  • Anonymous, Bobby Valentine
  • Hey Daddy, Usher
  • Falsetto, The-Dream
  • Jupiter Love, Trey Songz
  • Echo, R. Kelly
  • It’s Yours, J. Holiday
  • H.A.T.E.U, Mariah Carey
  • Sex Therapy, Robin Thicke
  • Like I Do, R. Kelly
  • Wanna Love U Girl, Robin Thicke
  • Read  Your Mind, Avant
  • Ordinary People, John Legend
  • So Beautiful, Musiq Soulchild
  • Cry Out For Me, Mario
  • Acension, Maxwell
  • Please, Anthony Hamilton
  • So Anxious, Ginuwine
  • Until the End of Time, Justin Timberlake
  • Trading Places, Usher

Yes, yes, yes.

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