Tag Archives: studying

Literary Letdown

I thought I could have studied more; taken the subject GRE more seriously. Not awfully unprepared, but, you know, just not exactly ready for it.


There was no “ready” for this. No amount of studying could have prepared me. That test was probably the biggest waste of time, money and effort. I don’t think more than two “must know” pieces of information were on there: The Canterbury Tales and Beowulf. Not one notecard written in a subtle shade of you-better-fucking-know-this red was there. No winged chariot,  widening gyre, passionate shepherd or a drop of water, anywhere! Instead, I got a fucked up ghost story, an obscure quote from a gay dead author, and a racist basketball. And one Restoration Comedy.

Yeah, some stuff I studied was on there, but I didn’t answer one-fourth to one-third of the questions. That’s somewhere around 60 questions. Poor time management was troublesome, but I didn’t even recognize an alarming number of authors or works listed. I would only be less ready if I had attempted open-heart surgery for those three hours instead.

Being told to put my No.2 pencil down was an anxiety-ridden moment indeed.

But hey, it’s done. I survived, Sarah survived, and we had a blast at The Full Monty in Minnesota. Plus this epic failure eliminates the number of schools I plan to apply to. Sweet. More money to celebrate my academic anticlimax.

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Ghoul School

Two Weeks. I am terrified of the subject GRE. Notice: terrified of and not terrified for. In all honesty, I’m slacking and it’s because I have other things to do, better things and more fun things to do, and because the test is fucking insane. No person with my undergraduate education could ever entertain the slightest hope of nailing the test. And I just now, for the first time, am reading the strategy and practice test book. Did you know you get negative points for answering a question wrong? Can I earn a negative score? Shit.

But despite my general unease, 16 questions into my first practice test (an out-of-control 230 multiple choice doozies) I found a question I knew without hesitation—before I even read the answer options. So not ready for both knowing the answer, and how excited I was by it.

Reading Dracula for fun in the seventh grade paid off. Fangtastic.

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It’s Only Monday

Today feels like Friday. Mondays are such a fucking tease.

This particular Monday was a big amalgamation of things, I guess. I slept in, which was great. But when I woke up the apartment was 60 degrees and I did NOT want to get up. However, this did mean I grabbed another blanket in the night, so it’s officially my favorite weather.

French class, I managed to stay alert (thank you Starbucks). I also secretly won twice at French Food Bingo, but I hate all the all-eyes-on-me aspect of shouting out “lotto!” so I pretended that I never had du lait or le biftek. ::le sigh::

Après la classe française, je suis allée à la banque. Well, that turned into an endeavor. A very nice man (who told me to visit India) updated my account which hadn’t been touched since I got my debit card in high school. Say hello to a new Platinum debit card holder. I also set up automatic bill pay for my monthly rent–take that you Signature Place bastards! Never again can you miraculously lose my check. Woohee.

Then came the big event, also known as checking the mail. All last week I had been checking for my GRE scores, but today I forgot. Until I pulled the ETS envelope out of my mailbox. Dundundunnn.

Verbal: 640 (92%)
Quantitative: 560 (39%)
Analytical: 4.5 (63%)

I should be elated. Doing better than 92% of the 1,421,856 people who took the verbal section is impressive. And it would feel awesome, if I hadn’t earned a 4.5 on my Analytical. I was hoping for at least a 5. I thought I nailed the questions (well enough, at least). Ah, well.

16,000 pages

16,000 pages

Basically that means I just need to get focused. Study. HA. Just look at what I have to “read” in a little over a month. Norton Critical this, and Norton Critial that. At least after Edmund Spenser I am 1/16 of the way there!

Other things of note include: A.) Discovering I was de-friended by a person who previously friended me, de-friended me, re-friended me, and has now ended our friendship again–this time terminally. Funny, because I know exactly why. B.) Reuniting with the WDM PL for the first time in over a month. C.) Telling a dear friend of mine to have sex in an empty bar. Never doubt my questionable fortitude.

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Selfish Stimulus

Whoever said fear is a great motivator was right. And in the past, fear was always good at getting me to do whatever it was that needed to be done. But now it seems that not even fear can motivate me.

Tuesday I met with my final professor about grad schools. Three professors down, and three different outcomes. Professor A: Go for it but apply to a bunch more! Yeah! Professor B: Well, you picked a lot of hard ones (except that one right there sucks–don’t ever do it.) so you might not get into them. Professor C: Did I tell you that I didn’t even get accepted my first time around? So be prepared for that, too.

Is it just me, or did that get progressively less optimistic?

This is where fear should begin to motivate me. I have only read 300 pages for the next GRE  test (which Professor C pretty much failed her first time through). But it’s not working. I care less now then I did 10 days ago. I can’t buy myself anything as a carrot, simply because I have no money. And the stick approach only works when I get beaten by 15 rejection letters in April.

The only thing that can get my ass in gear right now is my own vanity. Pride. Vainglory. Ego. This time next year I want to be sporting a crewneck sweatshirt of some other school. Some school I’m excited to be at, and some school that’s going to impress people when they see me in that sweatshirt. Selfish, yes. Motivational? Enough for now.

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Sounds of Silence

I didn’t know it was cool for little teenage twats to hang out at the library and make a bunch of noise. Seriously, you little 13-year-old snot, do you even know who is on your shirt? No, your mom bought it for you at Target because all the bands from her era made a comeback. And you didn’t buy that scrapbooking paper, so don’t tell your friend she can’t use the pink color. Your mom will buy you more. Or you can, with your allowance. I’m sure it’s more than I make.

Clearly, I’m irritable. My vocabulary is not good enough for the GRE, and meeting with Lenz made me feel like grad school is a pipe dream. And it will be if I can’t get some good study space. Since when did the library become an it’s-okay-to-be-loud zone? I’m not even downstairs in the bratty kid section. I’m upstairs with all the other adults who are trying to study. Although, they make enough of their own noises.

One week until the GRE.

I am so fucked.

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